Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.