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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
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