My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.