Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.