Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!