I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.