Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (716)

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  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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  (716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j
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  Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

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  (716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7
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  just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night

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  (716): just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night http://tfl.nu/yn86
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  I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...

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  (716): I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom... http://tfl.nu/0ft1
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  i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.

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  (716): i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man. http://tfl.nu/v8cz
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  The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.

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  (716): The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep. http://tfl.nu/clzh
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  ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace

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  (716): ... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace http://tfl.nu/lenw
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  I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything

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  (716): I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything http://tfl.nu/duov
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  i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me

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  (716): i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me http://tfl.nu/peek
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  Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada

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  (716): Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada http://tfl.nu/glbq
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  He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex

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  (716): He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex http://tfl.nu/jqzk
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  IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.

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  (716): IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again. http://tfl.nu/cfdh
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  I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.

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  (716): I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone. http://tfl.nu/d9tx
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  Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.

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  (716): Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests. http://tfl.nu/12h2
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  So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef

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  (716): So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef http://tfl.nu/t05x
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