We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.