New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..