I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.