It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.