He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.