He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"