Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.