I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.