Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays