Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir