The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney