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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
NoShamevember. You game?
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