we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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I wish I had a tail.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it