The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it