Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom