So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep