You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.