So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.