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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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