He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.