I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt