Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .