Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug