Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.