How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.