I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?