he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call