I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.