I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?