I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself