WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad