My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you