I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again