A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i think i just naturally attract stoners