there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???