you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.