She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY