Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap