he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.