My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..