Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.