Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.