It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable