YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass