I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain