I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday