He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused