screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping