You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary