Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i permit you to call me