Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i permit you to call me