Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward