Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (541)

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  stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms

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  (541): stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms http://tfl.nu/9llu
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  After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...

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  (541): After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video... http://tfl.nu/lvkq
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  So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?

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  (541): So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right? http://tfl.nu/c92i
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  Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.

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  (541): Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body. http://tfl.nu/i81x
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  Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.

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  (541): Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/2v18
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  If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.

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  (541): If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him. http://tfl.nu/336d
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  Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

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  (541): Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass http://tfl.nu/kkwh
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  I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.

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  (541): I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore. http://tfl.nu/w4vs
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  I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.

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  (541): I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend. http://tfl.nu/dn5d
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  I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.

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  (541): I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night. http://tfl.nu/uir8
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  But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.

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  (541): But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying. http://tfl.nu/1lth
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  I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.

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  (541): I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out. http://tfl.nu/0h9b
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  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

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  (541): I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis. http://tfl.nu/x9yx
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  next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME

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  (541): next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME http://tfl.nu/v34b
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  After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.

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  (541): After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave. http://tfl.nu/k4g0
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