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stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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