Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.