I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians