I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.