Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.