Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (540)

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  Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒

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  (540): Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒 http://tfl.nu/mpql
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  I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.

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  (540): I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking. http://tfl.nu/c4hu
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  Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.

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  (540): Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex. http://tfl.nu/37hh
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  BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.

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  (540): BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am. http://tfl.nu/giyu
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  A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.

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  (540): A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough. http://tfl.nu/m6k2
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  He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding

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  (540): He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding http://tfl.nu/2362
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  There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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  (540): There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day. http://tfl.nu/ga2m
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  I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.

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  (540): I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win. http://tfl.nu/n6kc
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  THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.

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  (540): THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW. http://tfl.nu/zij5
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  Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina

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  (540): Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina http://tfl.nu/3vzn
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  I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back

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  (540): I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back http://tfl.nu/d3ys
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  He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.

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  (540): He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back. http://tfl.nu/es5h
  Replies (14) Good night (1472) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
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  You'll get a boner for sure

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  Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey

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  (540): You'll get a boner for sure (703): Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey http://tfl.nu/k43v
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  I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.

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  (540): I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish. http://tfl.nu/1i5o
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  Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.

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  (540): Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat. http://tfl.nu/hg85
  Replies (4) Good night (1921) Bad night (443)