I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.