Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.