There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD