I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.