I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.