I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.