When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.