The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
