I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH