But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle