Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.