Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (512)

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  We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."

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  (512): We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get." http://tfl.nu/dl94
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  Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.

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  (512): Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb. http://tfl.nu/pyo6
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  Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead

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  (512): Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead http://tfl.nu/k2d6
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  You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back

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  (512): You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back http://tfl.nu/1cno
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  Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.

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  (512): Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand. http://tfl.nu/mrxq
  Replies (5) Good night (348) Bad night (744)
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  Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.

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  (512): Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently. http://tfl.nu/nwru
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  Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"

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  (512): Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!" http://tfl.nu/rhjr
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  I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?

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  (512): I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/sh8w
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  I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

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  (512): I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited. http://tfl.nu/hhhk
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  I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.

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  Not yet.

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  (817): I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous. (512): Not yet. http://tfl.nu/l0rj
  Replies (2) Good night (996) Bad night (386)
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  I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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  (512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u
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  I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...

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  (512): I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair... http://tfl.nu/zi5i
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  Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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  (512): Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved http://tfl.nu/jelh
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  I can dry shave vagina like a champ

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  (512): I can dry shave vagina like a champ http://tfl.nu/x1sm
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  Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me

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  (512): Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me http://tfl.nu/3y5j
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