I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.