i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.