And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there