he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!