Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?