strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.