Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married