just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.