Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering