Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Rhode Island (401)

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce

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  (401): I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce http://tfl.nu/vjco
  Replies (15) Good night (740) Bad night (1846) Order T-Shirt
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  She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield

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  (401): She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield http://tfl.nu/quct
  Replies (5) Good night (1114) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree

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  (401): i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree http://tfl.nu/su4s
  Replies (3) Good night (1879) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair

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  (401): She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair http://tfl.nu/x122
  Replies (9) Good night (941) Bad night (2039) Order T-Shirt
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  No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.

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  (401): No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/2pla
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?

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  (401): do you think she knows her nickname is brickface? http://tfl.nu/y8t9
  Replies (10) Good night (538) Bad night (1551) Order T-Shirt
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  want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?

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  (401): want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure? http://tfl.nu/59m2
  Replies (13) Good night (3676) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

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  (401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2
  Replies (17) Good night (4685) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

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  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

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  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1800) Bad night (463)
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  He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.

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  (401): He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year. http://tfl.nu/48dx
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
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  just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.

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  (401): just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point. http://tfl.nu/mbzv
  Replies (10) Good night (2001) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

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  (401): I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa http://tfl.nu/56cb
  Replies (24) Good night (7229) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
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  Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."

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  (401): Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it." http://tfl.nu/3dma
  Replies (5) Good night (1739) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1670) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool

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  (401): she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool http://tfl.nu/sz50
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt