My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"