As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub