Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"