I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.