Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.