Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.