He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.