Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me